Thoughts on Love

Hello my lovelies,

I have a serious question, why has love become such a taboo. I don’t mean high school (we’re going to get married then proceed to break up before college love) or the (we don’t have anyone right now but don’t want to be alone so lets be together love). I mean the kind of love that causes a dull ache in your chest when the person makes you upset or when they kiss you & you feel like you’re weightless. The kind of love that causes you to feel a flutter in stomach when they look at you.

Don’t get me wrong, when someone has the chance to hold your heart in their hands & the choice of whether or not to break it or protect it, is terrifying. But as we grow up we are raised with Disney movies & fairy tales telling of a knight in shining armor racing to protect the princess & a common theme of happily ever after…However, as little girls grow & mature into young women we begin to realize that the type of unconditional & unrelenting love just doesn’t always exist. The story doesn’t always end up in a happily ever after & sometimes the frog that the princess kisses is just a frog.

Even the romantic comedies with no far away lands & charming royalty that are made to appeal to a more adult audience still don’t reveal that these scenarios are often few & far between.

But I digress, the point of this rant was not that I am a disbeliever in love because that could not be farther from the truth. I just think that the kind of love we are all conditioned to believe exists from a young age shows the beauty that love is the way a picture can be edited in Photoshop. It may show the overall beauty of the object but leaves out a lot of small details that could be considered flaws or not.

There should be a manual on different types of men with a guide on which to avoid & which to hold close. No more crying over a douche bag who told you he loved you while having sex with other girls on the side or no more being sidelined by an over possessive boyfriend who didn’t like you going out with friends. All could be avoided however, these boys unfortunately provide us with valuable life lessons. What I mean by this is that by dating these ingrates we start to understand the proper way we should be treated. So when that quirky guy with a sweet smile nervously asks you out you won’t be tempted to scoff at the poor sap who attempted to crawl his way out of the friend zone. Instead you feel your heart swell at the thought of your confidant, the guy you’ve cried to over how awful these men were and the guy who knows your favorite snack food for movie night would want to be with you.

We have come to expect so much of a certain type of love that when a guy is trying to show us he cares it tends to go right over our heads. We expect flowers & grand declarations to feel like a guy loves us because that is what we believe signifies real love. In the movies there is no fighting, the prince isn’t caught oogling a cute girl walking by, & he certainly would never EVER leave the toilet seat up. But ladies, our modern day princes have a lot to learn & sometimes we need to lead them in the right direction. Figure out what your love language is and figure out what your man’s is as well & go from there. If you are like me, someone who enjoys love letters & sappy stuff then being with a guy who’s language is acts of service may prove to be a bit of a struggle without recognizing that he shows love differently than you. For example, to someone like me, emptying the dishwasher without being asked or fixing my shelves may not seem to be an act of love but by understanding that some guys show affection by making life easier by taking some stuff of the to-do list than I can recognize what he is trying to say.

Unfortunately, men are not mind readers so if you want something to change you gotta let him know & we must understand that we are not living in a rom-com. Arguments will happen, flatulence may also happen but you need to see your man for what he truly is and what he is doing for you. Don’t take for granted the little things that he does just because it may not be your idea of romance but to him it might mean the world.

So in conclusion, we are not princesses, we cry irrationally at least once a month, eat incredible amounts of junk food & sob at the sappiest of love stories wishing our lives could be the same (ahem Disney I’m lookin’ at you)( & Netflix, to all the girls I’ve loved before..I wept). But then we look over at the guy we are probably forcing to watch these cheesy movies with us as he gives us that lopsided grin we can never resist & we understand. We may have been taught what the perfect romance could be, prince charming & gorgeous ball gown included, but we could never have been prepared for the type of romance perfect for each of us.

So ladies, hold your guys a little closer & recognize that while he may not be perfect. He may eat all your food & snore too loud but he loves you and tries to show you in the best way he can.

*Plus, when all else fails at least he’s got a great big……..heart ;)*

All my love,

Aphrodite

Tips for Incoming Freshman

Hello my lovelies,

It’s about that time again! To those of us returning it’s a tad bittersweet wishing the summer goodbye, but for some it’s one big leap into the real world. Yes I’m talking about the college freshman. You’re stepping out on your own whether it’s hundreds of miles away like me, or just down the road, you are still going to be living on your own for the first time. So here are some helpful tidbits from someone who has walked in your shoes.

  1. You will make a lot of friends in the first few weeks. They will not all be your friend at the end of the year. People will come and go but those who are meant to stay in your life long-term will stay there. So do not be discouraged by this.
  2. Books are hella expensive no matter where you go so I would suggest looking online on amazon or chegg before resorting to your college’s bookstore.
  3. Finding a small part-time job may be best for you, because not only will it help you manage your time, but having a little extra cash never hurt.
  4. Go out but not too much. Make sure you don’t neglect your studying. Trust me on this, going on your freshman year will create wonderful memories. However, if you go out too much you’ll end up like me; almost being kicked out of school.
  5. Take so many pictures you won’t know what to do with them all. At first you may find it to be a pain but you will grateful for it when you are going to be a senior like I am.
  6. Get involved in clubs and activities on campus. Whether it be an honor society, sports team, greek organization, or more.  Not only are these a good way to meet people but they are good to put on your resume when you start to search for internships or jobs.
  7. Maybe hold off on dating until you get your bearings and figure out your surroundings. I can’t imagine adjusting to a new place and a new relationship, all while maintaining good grades and friendships.
  8.  Make sure you keep your mental health in mind. Freshman year move in can be a stressful time especially when you’re moving far away from home. I found it really difficult to focus on school let alone anything else when I was missing home.
  9. Roommates are fun but if you have the opportunity, living on your own can sometimes come as a blessing. You will really see a new side of yourself when you are living in an apartment by yourself. It is important that you live n your own at some point in your life before you decide to get married or you may feel like you missed out on something.
  10. Most importantly, HAVE FUN. This is an important part of your life. You will meet friends that you will keep for the rest of your life and you may meet the love of your life. You will learn so many new things and embrace new types of people with different opinions.

Good Luck y’all,

Aphrodite

Moving On

Hello lovelies!

Let’s be honest, breakups are hard, and whether or not you wanted it to happen or not, they still suck. I have a friend who has recently gone through a breakup, and considering the fact that we all have been in her position, sometimes more than once, I am going to give y’all some tips on moving on. So get out a snack, a drink, and a box of tissues; we’re diving down the rabbit hole.

 

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“I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs…”

  1. Get rid of the evidence: I know this part may seem a bit drastic, but hear me out… Maybe you weren’t together for too long and therefore don’t have that much to get rid of. But, if you’ve been with this person for a substantial amount of time, you have probably accumulated enough pictures, poems, and presents to create a small love archive. In this case, the best philosophy is “out of sight, out of mind.” Regardless if you decide to follow Icona Pop’s advice and throw everything down the stairs, or just hide it away from sight until your heart heals is entirely your call. Just make sure you can’t see anything that reminds you of him like a stuffed animal that he won you at a carnival or pictures that the two of you took at 2 am with McDonald’s in the background. These memories may have been sweet at the time, but now it’s a constant reminder of the hole in your heart and they need to not be seen.

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2. Delete Contact Info:  Phone numbers, email, Facebook, Twitter, and all other forms of social media or communication need to be eradicated from your phone. This erases the temptation to drunk dial, late-night dial when you’re sad and in a weak state of mind, or just stalk him a ridiculous and unhealthy amount. This will only make you sadder and increase the feeling that you have made a mistake when you have not. This also works both ways. If they are continuously contacting you and you’re just trying to move on, block them! You are totally within your right to not talk to them and that actually is a form of harassment that is not okay. If all else fails, just step away from the internet for a while. Some fresh air will do you good.

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3. Find some other interests: Take time to do things you never had the time for in a relationship. Take up knitting, go workout, read a book, eat cake, do something that you enjoy. It’s a good way to take your mind off things and to get you to put on real clothes and get out of the house. Taking up new hobbies is also a great way to meet new people, and by no means does this mean start a new relationship before you are ready NO. I mean it is a good way to meet similar people with similar interests.

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4. Allow yourself to be sad!: You are not Wonder Woman, and unless the guy was a total jerk-wad that you were happy to get rid of, you are going to experience some emotion. It’s completely normal to be sad even if the breakup was mutual because you are ending a chapter on one part of your life just to begin a new one. If you don’t allow yourself to be sad then you won’t truly be able to let go of the past. So listen to all those cheesy breakup songs, eat a pint of ice cream, and surround yourself with people who care about you.

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5. Reinvent yourself: Do you want to cut your hair? Chop it! Do you want a new piercing? Pierce away! Change up your makeup, try some new outfits, and have fun shopping for a new you! However, since you are a tad bit emotional at the moment, you may want to hold off on the full-on transformation for a time when you are more level-headed.  Just stick to the mani-pedi and maybe some highlights. Another add-on to this is going to the gym really helps keep your mind off things. Stick to a routine or maybe take a new class with a friend like kickboxing, spin, or even pole dancing!

Hopefully, some of these ideas helped you. Some are common knowledge and available on the internet, but there is solace in knowing that you aren’t the only one experiencing a horrible breakup.

Happy Trails!

Aphrodite