How to deal with Cheaters

Hello lovelies,

The discovery that your partner has cheated on you can bring you to a new low as you pick up the pieces left behind. It can be taxing on your mental and physical health and unfortunately it has affected more of us then it should’ve. I myself have experienced it and it really proved to me how strong I am as a person and sometimes events like this can show us how resilient we can be. The question on many people’s minds however, is whether or not the person who cheated deserves a second chance (if they want one) and that can be a loaded question. The phrase “cheaters never change” comes to mind but there are a few different things you need to consider. If you are thinking about giving this person a second chance here are a few important points to go over first:

  1. Are they truly remorseful?
    1. No mamby-pamby sorry but a heartfelt and truthful apology. If they don’t seem overly concerned with your feelings on the matter and only seem to be apologizing to get you off their back, then show them the door. If they really wanted to be forgiven they would put in the work to make you understand how sorry they are.
  2. Are they willing to comply with your list of demands?
    1. Many of those who are willing to give a cheater another chance will often create a list of things that he/she will have abide by in order to begin the process of gaining trust back and hopefully salvaging the relationship.
    2. Examples of what could be on the list is: Turning location on, avoiding drinking without you, checking in, and the most obvious being NO FURTHER CONTACT WITH THE PERSON THEY CHEATED ON YOU WITH.
  3. Do they seem to be putting in the effort to change?
    1. If they are copacetic to your list of demands with minimal complaints if any, then you may begin to see changes in their behavior in order to get back into your good graces.
    2. If they can’t follow a list of simple demands however, then cut em loose. If turning a location on or ceasing contact with the person they cheated on you with is so difficult then they clearly don’t care about the relationship enough to make it work.
  4. They understand that this is not a simple task.
    1.   The process of gaining someone’s trust can be trying let alone someone who’s trust you had but broke.
    2. It is not a 24-hour deal and if the cheater in your life can’t understand that trust has to be earned back then he/she doesn’t deserve a second chance with you.
    3. Also during this process, it may be best to abstain from physical contact as it can only complicate things further
  1. Would this be the best thing for you?
    1. You may love the person but it’s also a matter of whether or not you really an work things out as a couple. Something usually is wrong in the eyes of the person who cheated so it’s a matter of whether or not that something an be fixed
    2. Do you want to fix the relationship? I mean maybe this is a blessing in disguise and has given you the clarity on what you really want in life. Sometimes relationships although you may love the other person are not the best for you. Use this opportunity and really think things over before making any rash decisions.

The aftermath of cheating can be brutal on your physical and mental stability and hopefully through this article you an gather the courage to make the best decision for yourself.

Hugs and Kisses,

Aphrodite

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Hello all!

A little random side note!

For anyone looking for something fun to look at filled with nonsense, quotes, movie gifs, and just a general hodgepodge of everything. This Tumblr is essentially everything contained in my soul and it’s kinda rad. You won’t be disappointed.

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/blue-eyes-never-lie

Happy Trails,

Aphrodite

Thoughts on Love

Hello my lovelies,

I have a serious question, why has love become such a taboo. I don’t mean high school (we’re going to get married then proceed to break up before college love) or the (we don’t have anyone right now but don’t want to be alone so lets be together love). I mean the kind of love that causes a dull ache in your chest when the person makes you upset or when they kiss you & you feel like you’re weightless. The kind of love that causes you to feel a flutter in stomach when they look at you.

Don’t get me wrong, when someone has the chance to hold your heart in their hands & the choice of whether or not to break it or protect it, is terrifying. But as we grow up we are raised with Disney movies & fairy tales telling of a knight in shining armor racing to protect the princess & a common theme of happily ever after…However, as little girls grow & mature into young women we begin to realize that the type of unconditional & unrelenting love just doesn’t always exist. The story doesn’t always end up in a happily ever after & sometimes the frog that the princess kisses is just a frog.

Even the romantic comedies with no far away lands & charming royalty that are made to appeal to a more adult audience still don’t reveal that these scenarios are often few & far between.

But I digress, the point of this rant was not that I am a disbeliever in love because that could not be farther from the truth. I just think that the kind of love we are all conditioned to believe exists from a young age shows the beauty that love is the way a picture can be edited in Photoshop. It may show the overall beauty of the object but leaves out a lot of small details that could be considered flaws or not.

There should be a manual on different types of men with a guide on which to avoid & which to hold close. No more crying over a douche bag who told you he loved you while having sex with other girls on the side or no more being sidelined by an over possessive boyfriend who didn’t like you going out with friends. All could be avoided however, these boys unfortunately provide us with valuable life lessons. What I mean by this is that by dating these ingrates we start to understand the proper way we should be treated. So when that quirky guy with a sweet smile nervously asks you out you won’t be tempted to scoff at the poor sap who attempted to crawl his way out of the friend zone. Instead you feel your heart swell at the thought of your confidant, the guy you’ve cried to over how awful these men were and the guy who knows your favorite snack food for movie night would want to be with you.

We have come to expect so much of a certain type of love that when a guy is trying to show us he cares it tends to go right over our heads. We expect flowers & grand declarations to feel like a guy loves us because that is what we believe signifies real love. In the movies there is no fighting, the prince isn’t caught oogling a cute girl walking by, & he certainly would never EVER leave the toilet seat up. But ladies, our modern day princes have a lot to learn & sometimes we need to lead them in the right direction. Figure out what your love language is and figure out what your man’s is as well & go from there. If you are like me, someone who enjoys love letters & sappy stuff then being with a guy who’s language is acts of service may prove to be a bit of a struggle without recognizing that he shows love differently than you. For example, to someone like me, emptying the dishwasher without being asked or fixing my shelves may not seem to be an act of love but by understanding that some guys show affection by making life easier by taking some stuff of the to-do list than I can recognize what he is trying to say.

Unfortunately, men are not mind readers so if you want something to change you gotta let him know & we must understand that we are not living in a rom-com. Arguments will happen, flatulence may also happen but you need to see your man for what he truly is and what he is doing for you. Don’t take for granted the little things that he does just because it may not be your idea of romance but to him it might mean the world.

So in conclusion, we are not princesses, we cry irrationally at least once a month, eat incredible amounts of junk food & sob at the sappiest of love stories wishing our lives could be the same (ahem Disney I’m lookin’ at you)( & Netflix, to all the girls I’ve loved before..I wept). But then we look over at the guy we are probably forcing to watch these cheesy movies with us as he gives us that lopsided grin we can never resist & we understand. We may have been taught what the perfect romance could be, prince charming & gorgeous ball gown included, but we could never have been prepared for the type of romance perfect for each of us.

So ladies, hold your guys a little closer & recognize that while he may not be perfect. He may eat all your food & snore too loud but he loves you and tries to show you in the best way he can.

*Plus, when all else fails at least he’s got a great big……..heart ;)*

All my love,

Aphrodite

Tips for Incoming Freshman

Hello my lovelies,

It’s about that time again! To those of us returning it’s a tad bittersweet wishing the summer goodbye, but for some it’s one big leap into the real world. Yes I’m talking about the college freshman. You’re stepping out on your own whether it’s hundreds of miles away like me, or just down the road, you are still going to be living on your own for the first time. So here are some helpful tidbits from someone who has walked in your shoes.

  1. You will make a lot of friends in the first few weeks. They will not all be your friend at the end of the year. People will come and go but those who are meant to stay in your life long-term will stay there. So do not be discouraged by this.
  2. Books are hella expensive no matter where you go so I would suggest looking online on amazon or chegg before resorting to your college’s bookstore.
  3. Finding a small part-time job may be best for you, because not only will it help you manage your time, but having a little extra cash never hurt.
  4. Go out but not too much. Make sure you don’t neglect your studying. Trust me on this, going on your freshman year will create wonderful memories. However, if you go out too much you’ll end up like me; almost being kicked out of school.
  5. Take so many pictures you won’t know what to do with them all. At first you may find it to be a pain but you will grateful for it when you are going to be a senior like I am.
  6. Get involved in clubs and activities on campus. Whether it be an honor society, sports team, greek organization, or more.  Not only are these a good way to meet people but they are good to put on your resume when you start to search for internships or jobs.
  7. Maybe hold off on dating until you get your bearings and figure out your surroundings. I can’t imagine adjusting to a new place and a new relationship, all while maintaining good grades and friendships.
  8.  Make sure you keep your mental health in mind. Freshman year move in can be a stressful time especially when you’re moving far away from home. I found it really difficult to focus on school let alone anything else when I was missing home.
  9. Roommates are fun but if you have the opportunity, living on your own can sometimes come as a blessing. You will really see a new side of yourself when you are living in an apartment by yourself. It is important that you live n your own at some point in your life before you decide to get married or you may feel like you missed out on something.
  10. Most importantly, HAVE FUN. This is an important part of your life. You will meet friends that you will keep for the rest of your life and you may meet the love of your life. You will learn so many new things and embrace new types of people with different opinions.

Good Luck y’all,

Aphrodite

Moving On

Hello lovelies!

Let’s be honest, breakups are hard, and whether or not you wanted it to happen or not, they still suck. I have a friend who has recently gone through a breakup, and considering the fact that we all have been in her position, sometimes more than once, I am going to give y’all some tips on moving on. So get out a snack, a drink, and a box of tissues; we’re diving down the rabbit hole.

 

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“I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs…”

  1. Get rid of the evidence: I know this part may seem a bit drastic, but hear me out… Maybe you weren’t together for too long and therefore don’t have that much to get rid of. But, if you’ve been with this person for a substantial amount of time, you have probably accumulated enough pictures, poems, and presents to create a small love archive. In this case, the best philosophy is “out of sight, out of mind.” Regardless if you decide to follow Icona Pop’s advice and throw everything down the stairs, or just hide it away from sight until your heart heals is entirely your call. Just make sure you can’t see anything that reminds you of him like a stuffed animal that he won you at a carnival or pictures that the two of you took at 2 am with McDonald’s in the background. These memories may have been sweet at the time, but now it’s a constant reminder of the hole in your heart and they need to not be seen.

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2. Delete Contact Info:  Phone numbers, email, Facebook, Twitter, and all other forms of social media or communication need to be eradicated from your phone. This erases the temptation to drunk dial, late-night dial when you’re sad and in a weak state of mind, or just stalk him a ridiculous and unhealthy amount. This will only make you sadder and increase the feeling that you have made a mistake when you have not. This also works both ways. If they are continuously contacting you and you’re just trying to move on, block them! You are totally within your right to not talk to them and that actually is a form of harassment that is not okay. If all else fails, just step away from the internet for a while. Some fresh air will do you good.

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3. Find some other interests: Take time to do things you never had the time for in a relationship. Take up knitting, go workout, read a book, eat cake, do something that you enjoy. It’s a good way to take your mind off things and to get you to put on real clothes and get out of the house. Taking up new hobbies is also a great way to meet new people, and by no means does this mean start a new relationship before you are ready NO. I mean it is a good way to meet similar people with similar interests.

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4. Allow yourself to be sad!: You are not Wonder Woman, and unless the guy was a total jerk-wad that you were happy to get rid of, you are going to experience some emotion. It’s completely normal to be sad even if the breakup was mutual because you are ending a chapter on one part of your life just to begin a new one. If you don’t allow yourself to be sad then you won’t truly be able to let go of the past. So listen to all those cheesy breakup songs, eat a pint of ice cream, and surround yourself with people who care about you.

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5. Reinvent yourself: Do you want to cut your hair? Chop it! Do you want a new piercing? Pierce away! Change up your makeup, try some new outfits, and have fun shopping for a new you! However, since you are a tad bit emotional at the moment, you may want to hold off on the full-on transformation for a time when you are more level-headed.  Just stick to the mani-pedi and maybe some highlights. Another add-on to this is going to the gym really helps keep your mind off things. Stick to a routine or maybe take a new class with a friend like kickboxing, spin, or even pole dancing!

Hopefully, some of these ideas helped you. Some are common knowledge and available on the internet, but there is solace in knowing that you aren’t the only one experiencing a horrible breakup.

Happy Trails!

Aphrodite

 

 

 

Show some love

tumblr_static_tumblr_static_78bc87soqdk4g8kg844wsg80c_640Hello lovelies!

In case you haven’t heard of the 5 love languages it is a book written by Gary Chapman. In said book he describes 5 different ways we as human beings show our affection towards our significant other.

  1. Acts of service
  2. quality time
  3. physical touch
  4. words of affirmation
  5. receiving gifts

Here are some of said languages represented by those who show love in the different ways:

Acts of Service

This type of love is showing the ones you love how you feel by doing whatever you can to make their lives a little easier. For example, my boyfriend partially shows his love and affection through acts of service. He will make my bed if he leaves after me, he’ll empty the dishwasher and cook dinner to show that he loves me. For these people actions speak louder than words. If your significant other experiences and shows love this way then they probably won’t be very verbally expressive.

T: “I like doing little things for my S/O. I like to try an make their day a little easier and show that I care under the radar. My affection may not be out in the open but I want them to know that it is always there.”

Quality Time 

This type of love is all about giving our significant other your undivided attention. For these kinds of people, their time is the most valuable to them; so if they’re giving you time you should feel exceptionally special. These people may not show their love through affection, but if they are consistently sectioning off time in their day to meet you for lunch or maybe for coffee they have moved you to the top of their priority list.

A: “Listening to her and giving her time and attention. Because that’s what I want someone to do to me, give and take.”

M: “I like to show love by standard affection (hugs, kisses, cuddles) but most importantly I show love by making time. Time is one thing you give to a person and can never get back. Time is the most valuable thing in the world and if a man is willing to make time no matter the situation the girl is something really special.”

Physical Touch

To this person, nothing means more than an appropriate touch. The people who show their love through this method will shower you with signs of their love through physical actions. If you aren’t a physical person dating someone who shows their love this way, you may run into a problem. Since this person shows love through a physical touch that usually means they accept love the same way.

E: “I’m a physical person but I also try to do little things to show I care, they might be subtle but I’ve always liked that aspect of a relationship, especially with someone I care about.”

S: “Um well I kiss a lot. And like touch. So I’ll pet my boyfriend, give him lots of little kisses all over his face and just bother him like that. I pet a lot. In other more intimate ways, I just tell him how I feel if the moment really takes me. Like I’ll look at him and just be like “wow you are so handsome” or just tell him he is such a sweetie. But mostly the little quirks I do with the kisses, and petting, and booping.”

Words of affirmation

These types of people feel the most loved when they are hearing how much another person cares about them. I am also one of these people who are more geared towards hearing words of affirmation in order to feel loved. To me, to be loved is to hear how much you mean to someone and to tell how much someone means to you in return. Since my boyfriend speaks the physical/acts of service language we bashed heads a few times earlier on in our relationship.

J: “I would say it’s probably tailored. Everyone is different, meaning every girl is different. I would say that based on my significant others mental, and physical needs, I would act in a way towards them that would make them feel loved. Some girls are really clingy and wanna be around you all the time and want you to be touchy and all that. Others want their space, no PDA, no nothing. Then I follow that. I’m pretty easy-going. But I would say to answer it most simply. I show love by being the person that creates happiness through spontaneity and simply an easy going personality, while at the same time keeping our goals in check and pushing each other to be the best that we can be. For each other”

-Receiving gifts

The people who show and understand this type of love show they care by giving their significant other gifts, could be food could be jewelry it just depends. Is it just me or does this type of love remind you of what happens in the animal kingdom?

  • Adelie penguins for example will present a pebble to the female of their affections. Pebbles are rare in the antarctic and are also used while nest building.Granted….the female still has to accept first 🙂 These gifts are a sign of commitment considering most penguins develop a nonvenomous relationship.
  • Bowerbirds are a species of birds that create a love nest to attract their mates. The make it out of sticks and decorate with bones, rocks, and shells. Sometimes they even weave flower petals and shiny objects into the structure in hopes of attracting the attention and affection of the female.

A friend of mine shows her love this way:

C: “It goes beyond just actions or words, it reaches a level of intimacy and thoughtfulness that truly expresses that you love and care about that person. I try to get my significant other something funny or clever that I know he will like and be able to use practically. For Christmas I got him a gift to appeal to the 5 senses because “being with him makes perfect sense” I feel that it is the best way to show that I care. It doesn’t have to be expensive, I prioritize meaning”

Remember that not everyone shows love in the same way and while you may not think that someone is being affectionate towards you that doesn’t mean that they aren’t trying. It is not easy to try and translate someone else’s love language. Who knows? They may be showing you all the love they have, it may just seem like they don’t care since it’s not in your language.

Hugs and Kisses,

Aphrodite